• Birthday Party

    Krispy Kreme 6935 South Lindbergh, St. Louis, United States

    Why do you think that she is a witch? He hasn't got shit all over him. Well, I didn't vote for you. A newt? Look, my liege! I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your […]

    $10
  • Kitten Adoption Day

    Winchester Mystery House 525 S Winchester Blvd, San Jose, United States

    I've done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick […]

  • Dinner Party

    The Corn Palace 601 N Main St, Mitchell, United States

    Look, my liege! Shut up! Will you shut up?! What a strange person. But you are dressed as one… You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Ah-thoor Keeng, you and all your silly English K-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits! The Lady of the […]

  • Cupcake Decorating

    The Corn Palace 601 N Main St, Mitchell, United States

    Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There's nothing for me here now. […]

  • Weekend Long Adventure

    Cambridge University Library West Road, Cambridge, United Kingdom

    Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. You don't win friends with salad. I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. D'oh. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a […]

  • Rock Concert

    Doug Fir Lounge 830 E. Burnside St., Portland, United States

    Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money. Ye-ha! What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain't […]

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